I Don't Want Your Germs.

Nov 24

It's November and I have had a cold for a few weeks, which is several weeks longer than I was hoping to have it. I feel like just when I get better, something else comes along and wallops me. This got me mad and grossed out (that is, thinking about what disgusting matter I came into contact with that made me sick), so I thought I'd go on a loving rant for a minute.

As a long-time hospital worker, I have been indoctrinated with the repeated habit of telling people to wash their hands. Why should I not make the same loving demand of all of you? I like you all enough to send this reminder out over the iWaves again- only to protect your well-being and the health of the masses. Well, really - mostly I care about people around me.

Here's the cold, mucous-y truth. People are gross. You are gross. I am gross. People - all people - are gross. They sneeze on their hands, then touch a doorknob that 100 more people will touch that hour. They touch elevator buttons laced with a disgusting array of nastiness, and then eat Cheetos and lick their fingers. Think of all the light switches, doorknobs, buttons, levers, and machines you touch every day. Would you lick all of the things you've put your paws on?

I don't think so. At least, I sure hope not.

If you think you've never touched something with poop on it, you're kidding yourself.

The moral of the story, kids: Wash your damn dirty hands. Wash them before you eat, after you go to the bathroom, after spit-swearing with a best friend, or after blowing your nose. Using a Kleenex doesn't mean you didn't just expel and an entire colony of bacteria onto the palm of your hand. Wash before you eat. Wash before you touch your face or the face of another person.

Wash with soap and water. Rub the soap all over your hands until it's foamy. Get your entire hand, front and back, between your fingers, and under your nails. Rinse and dry well and then don't immediately touch something gross again.

Keep your germies to yourselves, folks. We'll all be much happier if you do.

Here is a great handwashing video to show you the correct way to clean your mitts.